Poetry
Most all my poetry is a raw reflection of the shadow side, the parts we like to keep hidden from the world, especially ourselves. My poetry explores the world of fear, anxiety, grief, anger, and romantic relationships. I love history so often use metaphors connected to the past to describe the present.
If a poem of mine resonates with you, I hope it gently tugs at your heart, an opportunity for you to accept, release, or resolve any emotional pain. I hope they encourage you to honor your experiences and how you feel about them without shame or judgment. Lastly, I hope it brings you comfort, you're not alone.
Seasons
She doesn’t want to stay in winter, but she needs,
To show up for her grieving self.
No timeline, no pressure, no pushing forward into spring.
Just being, moment to moment, and having that be enough.
She is not okay, but it’s a “don’t worry about her” okay.
Only she can be her own hero…
Because no one else knows what her pain feels like.
So she is left to hold her heart in her own hands.
Even winter brings gifts each season.
And she embraces those moments the best she can.
Because winter daylight eventually turns back into darkness.
The future feels heavy and frightening.
Because everything she knows will happen is sad.
So she pockets faith, that the unknowns will bring joy,
That gives her a soft place to land when things get rough.
She craves space and isolation.
At times it feels too much.
One can only absorb so much,
Before feeling everything, while feeling nothing.
It takes a lot of energy to grieve.
Showing up the best way she can.
Giving away what little light is left.
Silently asking others to give her grace.
Moving forward, by slowing down.
Cultivating agency in her own healing.
For the first time, listening to herself,
And not the outside world, telling her how to be.
You can’t force the seasons to change.
Spring will come when ready.
Until the light finds its way into her heart again
She is going to nestle into winter a bit longer.
Giving herself permission to take as, long, as, she, needs.
In Color
I just started seeing in color again.
Not ready, our time, on earth to end.
Sad for you, tears left for me.
Hurt, the pain, the stinger’s bee.
The things we do, our hands we need.
Our souls can’t build, unless we bleed.
Don’t go grey, the clouds I see.
They hover close, beyond your trees.
All that’s promised, unknowns, a goodbye.
Who will comfort me, when you die?
Memories stay, are they ever enough?
Will I sink or swim, when the moments get tough?
Brave for you, alone, falling apart.
Does the sun bring joy to a broken heart?
Will I be okay? Someone tell me it’s true.
Grieving the living, is a strange thing to do.
When color itself, fades back to monochrome.
And the sky and stars, call you back home.
Say you’ll send me a rainbow, so I’ll know it’s you.
You’d say beauty is found in all shades and hues.
Part of Me
There is a part of me that wants you to die,
So I can stop, sitting on the cold floor to cry.
Come back from the dead, I grieve you again.
When will your nine lives come to an end?
Too tired to worry, you’re draining me dry.
Don’t you agree it’s time to say goodbye?
Set aside dreams, because you fucked up your own.
Often treat me like shit, isolated, and alone.
You make the rules and I settle in line.
Convincing myself, I’m okay, ya, I’m fine.
No sorry, mistakes, it’s everyone’s fault.
Your punching bag - me, as I take verbal assaults.
Love conquers all, and I come crawling back.
Your firing range for jokes and wisecracks.
Everyone says, you're lucky I’m here.
But you, busy hiding your liquor and beer.
One day, I’ll wake, with no more to give.
And hope, to look back, and say I forgive.
Imagined the end, a few hundred times.
This time, I’m sorry, I can’t hit rewind.
XOXO
Red hot gasoline to my fire, the daffodil sprung from the seed,
The confident she wolf, given the push that she needs.
To deserve something more, to inferno your selfish game,
changed in my phone "you don’t deserve me" insert your last name.
Your ego so big, you probably think I'm talking about you,
Maybe so Casanova but I got my own chess game too.
You think your the only boy who wants into my pants,
Get over yourself, and no you don’t get another chance.
Do you think your random check ins keep you relevant and near,
I’m giving you back wasted time, your calendars free and clear.
All evidence of toxic lust has been erased or lite ablaze,
Promise me when I tell you I don’t need your rehearsed praise.
My solid circle showers me enough with love and care,
And baby to myself having the most epic love affair.
They say the best revenge is to live well and with joy,
Check on that Ken, time to find your next Barbie toy.
I’m signing off like Gotye thank you for the personal gift,
No hard feelings, wish you well, xoxo your Taylor Swift.
Grade A
You gave me the blue ribbon, a pretty cattle amongst the herd.
Your darling little calfling, over others, it’s I, you always preferred.
The perfect grade A meat, so fine for your delicate taste.
Yet you branded me with scars, threw me out with the whoreish waste.
Of course I would believe you, angelic words of proclaim.
Yet I watch as you take iron to the stone and heated flame.
Again as history promises, your metal into my skin.
Confused by your betrayal, the Henry to his Anne Bolyen.
The praise and those sweet words are faded memories of yourself.
You’ve scarred my lovely body, stained the tapestry of myself.
How could you slowly tear at the canvas of my soul.
I’m still the perfect Grade A girl and you’re the master of A-holes.
The Fortress
Why can’t I feel?
I’m so at lost with how to deal.
The darkness stuck inside,
It overwhelms me, I try to hide.
And I wonder, how to console,
When I feel, there is no control.
As I gaze into the moon throughout the night.
Begging, pleading, to the sun to grace its light.
And a promise to myself, I will be alright.
I feel so numb.
It’s hard for me to overcome.
That hazy shadow, I cannot name,
It’s that obstacle, I can’t explain.
And I wonder, what to do,
I’m so frightened, I’ll hurt you.
As I gaze into the moon throughout the night.
Voiceless, quiet, heavy heart, body tight.
But a promise to myself my future I’ll rewrite.
When I reject.
By shutting down, I disconnect.
From the fear, I isolate.
In this walled up fortress, that I create.
And I wonder, how to let go,
When protecting, is all that I know.
As I gaze into the moon throughout the night.
Stricken worry, frozen fear, fight or flight.
But a promise to myself my inner fire is bright.
Chasing Ghosts
Chasing ghosts in the here and now,
Why you haunt me, I don't know how.
You continue to dance into my nightly dreams,
Attention I seek, I play on various teams.
I need you gone, yet you don't even know,
It means healing my wounds and perhaps letting go.
A saddened empty seat, a one-way conversation,
You're repeated figment of my darkest creation.
I can hide my secret lust, which fuels the forbidden fire,
Living out every detail and deceptive desire.
If only memories so easily burned and simply erased,
Perhaps my confused conscious would be pure and chaste.
How do you scrub the beautiful fantasy from the real,
Perhaps scared of the truth which is hard to conceal.
Buried down deep, what if I can't replicate,
Through control, have I sealed my intentional fate.
Help me escape, please help me make peace,
To the imagery and feelings I don't want to release.
I aim to be loyal, I want to live in the here and now
I need your guidance, creator, I don't know how.
Lady in Waiting
Let me serve you my queen,
Yes your wish is my command.
My old mistress, now dethroned,
I witnessed everything firsthand.
Before mysteries came to pass,
Ladies in waiting, friends we were.
Spring turned into a harsh winter,
Then fragile lines became blurred.
Castle walls thinly vailed,
Secrets never stay inside.
But you know this already,
Even though you try to hide.
They say the truth will set you free,
Yet you have published the manuscript.
With power you shunned us all away,
Like your reputation you have stripped.
Every time you are curtsied,
Each morning I bring you tea.
I look at you with my hazel eyes,
You can’t keep secrets from me.
My honor is my northern star,
And when I leave, my gift to you.
A little whisper upon your golden ear,
I’m not the only person who always knew.
Willow Tree
Didn’t tell anyone I cry at that song,
Because I am supposed to be over you.
If you loved me, why did you walk away.
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree.
Our unfinished book and dusty pages,
All that is unsaid between you and me.
I fill the empty chapters in with fantasy.
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree.
I never know how you really feel,
Are you just trying to keep the peace.
Does the nectar not want the honey bee.
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree.
The moon we see, our connecting point,
Like we are sitting side by side.
Over mountains, valleys, and open sea.
I’m the wildflower under your willow tree.
I Do
When I wake up in the morning, I see your face.
Feeling close, our energy it weaves, inside our space.
Here I waited for a man.
Who followed through to take my hand.
At the alter I can’t wait,
To say I do,
I love you.
In that moment you kneeled down at me, I see the ring.
Promise me that I will be your queen, and you my king.
Here I waited for today.
With my vintage chic bouquet.
At the alter I can’t wait,
To say I do,
I love you.
Close to you I feel secure and safe, I see our life.
In the future as you wanted me, to be your wife.
Here I waited to say yes,
In my white and lacey dress.
At the alter I can’t wait,
To say I do,
I love you.
Moth
I'm mad at her, the innocent soul.
Her beautiful petals, my security she stole.
The moth, my love, has broken trust.
Over a moments flutter of youthful lust.
It's not her fault, yet my envious eyes.
Can't erase her image, the deceitful lies.
A weed in her garden, her lady in waiting.
The highness, her blooms, too captivating.
Plays her sultry sonata on her baroque violin.
Like a moth to a flame, her light draws him in.
I will never be her, how can I compete.
Her sweet nectar dupes my lover to cheat.
Key
In the darkness when it hurts so bad.
The pain itself, it burns.
With the next breath that you take.
In that quiet space you learn.
Take the key into your heart and let it turn.
Release the angry dove into the earth.
Open up into the unknown deep inside.
Embrace the grey, the power of rebirth.
In the shadow when you judge yourself.
The guilt and shame you relive.
With the next breath that you take.
The opportunity to forgive.
Take the key into your heart and let it turn.
Release the saddened dove into the sky.
Whats come to leave is a mystery to me.
Look within, a feeling you can’t deny.
In the corners when it follows you.
You want to run away from inside.
In the next breath that you take.
And you realize you can’t hide.
Take the key into your heart and let it turn.
Release that fearful dove into the stars.
Raw and scared, the open wounds hard to bear.
The fire will heal, all is left is the freedom scars.
Oil & Water
Remembering that old familiar pain.
Fooling myself to think I'd come out unstained.
With a close of my eyes, my lips separate.
The words flow out slowly as you contemplate.
Can't you see I'd hope things would change.
You cannot deny we have become estranged.
How I wish you would see the issue at hand.
Don't alter my happy ever after dreamland.
I'm always trying to save, I'm always trying to fix.
But your drugs and alcohol, they just don't mix.
I'll never be that girl who sits quietly and takes.
I will not be the one who blindly participates.
You have lost your gem, a diamond in the rough.
Someone whose not afraid to say she has had enough.