Poetry

Early on, poetry became a medium to explore my inner world. When difficult emotions arose, I quickly turned away from them, overwhelmed by the feelings and unaware of how to process and release them. Poetry writing came very naturally to me. I wrote my first intentional poem in 2002. I often didn't feel safe talking to others about what was going on, so I started writing down all the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing related to specific events at the time. After completing a poem, I soon discovered how freeing it felt to purge my emotional body. I don't write much when I am content. I'm busy immersing myself in those present wonderful moments.

Most all my poetry is a raw reflection of the shadow side, the parts we like to keep hidden from the world, especially ourselves. My poetry explores the world of fear, anxiety, and romantic relationship heartbreak. I love history so often use metaphors connected to the past to describe the present. There are a few heartfelt romantic poems that were written from an honest place of love. If a poem of mine resonates with you, I hope it gently tugs at your heart, an opportunity for you to accept, release, or resolve any emotional pain still residing within. I hope they encourage you to honor your feelings. Lastly, I hope it brings you comfort; you're not alone.

Seasons

She doesn’t want to stay in winter, but she needs,
To show up for her grieving self.
No timeline, no pressure, no pushing forward into spring.
Just being, moment to moment, and having that be enough.

She is not okay, but it’s a don’t worry about her okay.
Only she can be her own hero…
Because no one else knows what her pain feels like.
So she is left to hold her heart, in her own hands.

Smiles come through in small fragments.
Even winter brings gifts each season.
And she embraces those moments the best she can.
Because winter daylight, eventually turns back into darkness.

The future feels heavy and frightening.
Because everything she knows will happen is sad,
So she pockets faith, that the unknowns will bring joy,
That gives her a soft place to land when things get rough.

She craves space and isolation.
At times it feels too much.
One can only absorb so much.
Before feeling everything, while feeling nothing.

It takes a lot of energy to grieve.
Showing up the best way she can.
Giving away what little light is left.
Silently asking others to give her grace.

Moving forward, by slowing down.
Cultivating agency in her own healing.
For the first time, listening to herself,
And not the outside world, telling her how to be.

You can’t force the seasons to change.
Spring will come when ready.
Until the light finds its way into her heart again.
She is going to nestle into winter a bit longer.

Giving herself permission to take as long as she needs. 

In Color

I just started seeing in color again,
Not ready, our time, on earth to end.

Sad for you, tears left for me.
Hurt, the pain, the stinger’s bee.

The things we do, our hands we need.
Our souls can’t build unless we bleed.

Don’t go grey, the clouds I see.
They hover close, beyond your trees.

All that’s promised, unknowns, a goodbye.
Who will comfort me, when you die.

Memories stay, are they ever enough?
Will I sink or swim when the moments get tough.

Brave for you, alone, falling apart.
Does the sun bring joy to a broken heart.

Will I be okay, someone tell me it’s true.
Grieving the living is a strange thing to do.

Say you’ll send me a rainbow, I’ll know it’s you.
You’d say beauty is found, in all shades and hues.

When my turn arrives, in the darkness of night.
Please greet me dad, with your colorful light. 

Part of Me

There is a part of me, that wants you to die,
So I can stop sitting on my cold floor to cry.

Come back from the dead, I grieve you again.
When will your nine lives come to an end.

Too tired to worry, you’re draining me dry.
Don’t you agree, it’s time to say goodbye?

Set aside dreams, because you fucked up your own.
Often treat me like shit, isolated, and alone.

You make the rules, and I settle in line.
Convincing myself, I’m okay, ya, I’m fine.

No sorry, mistakes, it’s everyone’s fault.
Your punching bag me, as I take verbal assaults
.
Love conquers all, and I come crawling back.
Your firing range, for jokes and wisecracks.

Everyone says you're lucky I’m here.
But too busy hiding your liquor and beer.

One day I’ll wake, with no more to give.
And hope to look back and say I forgive.

Imagined the end, a few hundred times.
This time, I’m sorry, I can’t hit rewind.  

Grade A

You gave me the blue ribbon, a pretty cattle amongst the herd.
Your darling little calfling, over others, it’s I, you always preferred.

The perfect grade A meat, so fine for your delicate taste.
Yet you branded me with scars, threw me out with the whoreish waste.

Of course I would believe you, angelic words of proclaim.
Yet I watch as you take iron to the stone and heated flame.

Again as history promises, your metal into my skin.
Confused by your betrayal, The Henry to his Anne Bolyen.

The praise and those sweet words are faded memories of yourself.
You’ve scarred my lovely body, stained the tapestry of myself.

How could you slowly tear at the canvas of my soul.
I’m still the perfect Grade A girl and you’re the master of A-holes.

XOXO

Red hot gasoline to my fire, the daffodil sprung from the seed,
The confident she wolf, given the push that she needs.

To deserve something more, to inferno your selfish game,
changed in my phone "you don’t deserve me" insert your last name.

Your ego so big, you probably think I'm talking about you,
Maybe so Casanova but I got my own chess game too.

You think your the only boy who wants into my lovely pants,
Get over yourself, and no you don’t get another chance.

Do you think your random check ins keep you relevant and near,
I’m giving you back wasted time, your calendars free and clear.

All evidence of toxic lust has been erased or lite ablaze,
Promise me when I tell you I don’t need your rehearsed praise.

My solid circle showers me enough with love and care,
And baby to myself having the most epic love affair.

They say the best revenge is to live well and with joy,
Check on that Ken, time to find your next Barbie toy.

I’m signing off like Gotye thank you for the personal gift,
No hard feelings, wish you well, xoxo your Taylor Swift.

Chasing Ghosts

Chasing ghosts in the here and now,
Why you haunt me,I don't know how.

You continue to dance into my nightly dreams,
Attention I seek, I play on various teams.

I need you gone, yet you don't even know,
It means healing my wounds and perhaps letting go.

A saddened empty seat, a one-way conversation,
You're repeated figment of my darkest creation.

I can hide my secret lust, which fuels the forbidden fire,
Living out every detail and deceptive desire.

If only memories so easily burned and simply erased,
Perhaps my confused conscious would be pure and chaste.

How do you scrub the beautiful fantasy from the real,
Perhaps scared of the truth which is hard to conceal.

Buried down deep, what if I can't replicate,
Through control, have I sealed my intentional fate.

Help me escape, please help me make peace,
To the imagery and feelings I don't want to release.

I aim to be loyal, I want to live in the here and now
I need your guidance, creator, I don't know how.